Losing
by CatchADemonBeforeHerEyes
Summary: (AU, Character's death) Everything reminds him of her...


**Disclaimer**: All characters are created by Takahashi Rumiko. This endless affection is mine.

**Author's Note**: I stuck on this idea and I can't help to write it down – angst will always be my guilty pleasure anyway.

_Italics _means happen in the past.

Hope you guys enjoy this!

**LOSING**

Sesshoumaru pressed his hands into his eyes, white spots dotting the blackness behind his eyelids from the pressure, and breathed in deep. This could be it. Tears dangerously pressed to come out under his lashes as he realized the last thing he said to her was to leave him alone after the argument he started this morning.

He started.

If he hadn't been so abrasive, she wouldn't have gone out. If he hadn't let his lack of sleep and increased stress from work control his emotions…

If he hadn't had snapped…

If he'd just reined in his anger and hadn't taken it out on her…

Then Kikyou wouldn't have been on the same path as that car.

He only realized it was the first time he wanted to cry, to let the tears rolled down on his cheek. He choked back to hold his sadness, slightly embarrassed that his family was accompanying him in the hospital waiting room. He pressed his teeth against his fist in order to silence himself. On the other day, it was easy to be positive. But when the reason for his smiles was her that lay less than a room away, it was hard to hold the tears not to come out.

He looked up at the clock. 7 PM.

_Sesshou, it's already 7!" She called from the bathroom, leaning her left half out the door as she put on her earrings. "Are you ready?"_

_"Why are you asking me when you're the one who's still primping?" He returned, approaching her in his suit and tie. She put a slight kiss on his cheek._

_"This is the first time I get to meet your coworkers at the annual Christmas party, no less," she explained. "I need to look good enough so they think I'm worthy of you." He circled his arms around her waist and pulled her close. "I don't care what they think," His lips met her raven hair. "I'm going to count myself lucky to have the most beautiful woman on my arm tonight."_

_She blushed and lowered her eyes shyly. "Thank you, Sesshou."_

_"Come on." He swept her over the threshold. "We're going to be late."_

He leaned his head back against the classically calming waiting-room-blue wall. Eyes closed, he tried to relax. His racing mind and his even quicker pulse prevented him from slipping into any sort of rest; he was just too anxious – two hours and there still wasn't even an inkling of news from the hospital staff. His imagination was getting the better and he needed to subdue his thoughts before he drove himself completely insane with worry. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth… tried to calm down his every nerve.

He'd taken to pacing the room at 10.15, his legs even beginning to tingle from pure anxiety. He tried stopping at the window every so often, staring out at the 10th floor view, but even that began to torment him. Just when he thought his usual cold-self was back, the sadness clouded once again and broke him down.

_"You've never been in a building this high before?" He asked with an eyebrow quirked. She shook her head, hands and face pressed up against the window glass. "The 30th story, this is nothing actually. I've been in towers over 50 floors high… You can see for miles. It's beautiful."_

_"Wow." Was all she whispered, her breath clouding the glass for a moment before her elbow buffed it away. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her from behind, looking out at the same view. The hotel overlooked the cityscape at night – hundreds of lights blinking from her to the far horizon – but the room itself was silent and serene, blocking out the sounds of the bustling lives below._

_He tightened his grip and she reached behind to loop her arms around his neck. His nose brushed the shell of her ear and he felt her shiver as he smiled into her skin._

_"Happy 3rd anniversary, my love."_

The door at the ER opened at quarter past 11 and he had never turned around faster. His heart tripped over itself in his chest and his eyes widened as they met those of the weary doctor's. His fingers darted to the object in his pocket, making sure the small box was where it was supposed to be because he needed that ring to be on her finger. He needed the reassurance that she was inseparable, that she could have the wedding they both wanted. He needed to apologize to her – Kikyou, the only woman he could ever love in his life.

_"I want a winter wedding, is that okay?" She smiled as she draped herself over his shoulders as he sat at his desk. He gave and amused hum while poring through his paperwork._

_"Sure." He replied with a small nod._

_"Weddings are traditionally in the summer, right? But… I don't know, the heat and I just don't get along that well, I guess," she continued. "I just want to make sure that's all right. Whenever it happens, I mean." He could hear the smile in her voice as she kissed the top of his head._

_"I know." He replied still compiling a list of financial reports._

_"It will be our day." She said quietly as she leaned in and kissed his cheek. He shifted._

_"It will, my love."_

_"Our colors can be black and red and white – how beautiful would that be? And if it snows too…"_

_"Baby, please, right now I–"_

_"Mom will want to cook I think, but we may have too many people for that, so…"_

_"Kikyou." He growled in his deep voice. She went rigid. "I need you to leave me alone right now."_

Looking back, he regretted his tone. He regretted his words.

The doctor approached him and he instinctively took a step backwards. He didn't want this, not really. Not when he had a sinking feeling about what the doctor was going to tell him. She'd been talking about their wedding, for God's sake, their future together, the rest of their life. His work could have waited. If his job reprimanded him from putting his life before his company, it wasn't a job he really wanted after all. The realization came too late and he felt his breathing increase as the doctor eventually stood in front of him.

No. I want to go back.

_"Sesshou, I'm sorry."_

"I am very sorry, Mr. Taishou."

_"Where are you going?" – "I didn't mean to… I'll just go out. You need your space."_

"We did everything."

No.

_"I'll be back…"_

"She's gone."

No.

**Author's Note:** God, I can't help crying over the end (T_T) I know I tormented my most fav pairing but sometimes I think Sesshoumaru deserve this. Perhaps you find Sesshoumaru was a little bit OOC, but that's what I picture every time he was alone with Kikyou - some kind of another side of the cold demon Lord. Tell me what's on your mind!


End file.
